We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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