I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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