16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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