Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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