A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
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