I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize