The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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