My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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