dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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