i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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