"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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