Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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