How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Green mimosas i think yes
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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