we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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