I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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