I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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