I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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