im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
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Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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