Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
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I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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