Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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