it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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