I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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