it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize