i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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