Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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