We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
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never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
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I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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