hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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