I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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