my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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