The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
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I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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