You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Don't make out with my wife yet
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
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i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
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Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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