im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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