Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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