Tell her she can't have a vagina
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
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I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
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ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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