so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
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I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
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I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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