Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize