Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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