If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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