i wish my penis had a tongue
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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