my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
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Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
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I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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