I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize