So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
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How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
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Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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