Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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