I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Randomize