i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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