some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
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I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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