What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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