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i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
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