Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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