I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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